I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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