idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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