I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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