My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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