Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
3 2 1 whiskey
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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