please come you make the beer taste better
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
