I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
