I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
