i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
