we're blogging at a bar
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
