he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize