Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
