I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
