I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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