Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
