I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
