My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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