Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
