Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize