After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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