Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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