just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize