The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
