Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
