wakey wakey hands off snakey
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
