if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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