so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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