My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I cockslap morals
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
