Where did you get a picture of my penis
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
