Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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