Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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