Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
