Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
