I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
