Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
