How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
