remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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