Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
