Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
