I'm eating all of the evidence.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
