I heard we made out
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
