So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize