Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
