i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
