yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
