Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
