The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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