Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
