It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
