i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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