Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
