It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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