He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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