somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
