Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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