I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
