There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
