apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize