Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
