just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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