new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
