Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
