He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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