So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Come see our sink grown plant.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
