I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
