Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
