Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
